Heaven Heist

Synopsis: At the gates of Heaven, a new visitor arrives. But his plans there are crazier than anyone could imagine.

Prologue

“Welcome to Heaven,” said the Gatekeeper Angel, as Joe stood at the front of the pearly gates in silence. He remained silent for a few moments.

“It may still be a bit of a shock to you,” said the Angel, “but in case you forgot—“

“I know,” said Joe. “I died.”

“Well it’s okay!”, said the Angel smiling. “Here in Heaven we have anything you could possibly want! It’s literally the perfect place, what more could you ask for?”

“NO,” said Joe flatly and disinterested. “I’M GOING BACK.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE GOING BACK?”, shouted the Angel, shocked. “Why would you ever want to leave this place?”

“Because I feel like it.”

“Are you insane?”

“No.” Joe stretched his arms before tensing up his biceps. “But I’m not going back quite yet. First, I need to find a bunch of people here. My friends and my idols. And then—“

“Then what?”, said the Angel confused.

“THEN WE’RE ALL GOING BACK.”

*title drop* HEAVEN RAID *title drop*

“You do know the other Angels and I won’t just let you do that, right?”, said the Angel somewhat indignantly. “If you so much as try to defy the laws of nature and bring people in Heaven back to the land of the living, then we’ll just use the powers of our omnipotence to stop you.”

Joe stopped and thought for a moment. Then, he said calmly, “My apologies. I should have known such a plan would upset you. I promise you won’t see me go through with any of the schemes I had planned then.” He paused, and then said solemnly, “Can you give me a moment? I think I need to take a minute to process the fact that I’m dead now… and that would be easier for me to do on my own.”

“Sure thing,” said the Angel empathetically, already beginning to fly away and give Joe some space.

When the Angel was out of sight, Joe’s sulk transitioned into a smirk. “That’s right,” he said to himself, “I promise you won’t see me enact any of my schemes! You Angels may be omnipotent, but you’re far too gullible, and I’ll concoct a plan so covert that not a single one of you will suspect me. I was hoping to carry this out openly, with grounded and respectful honesty, but if you force me to resort to cloak-and-dagger tactics, then I won’t simply back off. I’ll find everyone I’m looking for. I’ll convince them that things will be better if we return to Earth. And then, I vow once again, WE WILL ALL GO BACK.”

*title drop* HEAVEN RAID *title drop*

*title drop* HEAVEN HEIST *title drop*

To be continued…

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